Attention: Advice givers | Note from a new mother

Guest post by Kathleen Nash

I have been trying not to rant about this, but today is a special day so here we go.

Attention advice givers: My entire goal of parenting is not to shut my child up. Also, your assumptions and judgments are not welcome. Please try to understand that being a new mother is a huge transition and if you really need to put in your two cents, please keep it positive and affirmative rather than condescending. Be kind instead of trying to make others feel bad or inadequate when things may already be challenging at times.

Please stop insinuating that there is something wrong with my baby because he cries sometimes, he is a baby and crying is a form of communication for him. If he happens to cry in the five minutes that you are in contact with him, it does not mean that there is something wrong with him, or with me, or that he screams all day long. So feel free to continue buying groceries, riding the bus, working out, writing me letters about how I am parenting wrong, or whatever else it may be that you wish to busy yourself with.

If you would like an explanation on why I don’t appreciate certain advice, I will keep going:

Plastic ‘Fischer Price’ and other baby holding/distracting items do not function as parenting substitutes in our household (although we may choose to use them from time to time). Also, harshing on me for not putting my baby in a crib in a separate room, to cry him self to sleep time and time again each night is not cool. It may have worked for your family (and convinced you that your baby slept through the night), but it is not what is best for mine. In fact, Cedar rarely cries during the night because he knows that if he wakes me up with his little flailing arms or by making noises, I will respond. Perhaps this is not the case for all babies, but if I feed or change him, he passes right back out without much disruption. It is worth it for me to do. I don’t expect an 11 week old to sleep through the night and if you do, that’s your business, so back off.

Kathleen and her family Photo: Apple Blossom Families

Kathleen and her family
Photo: Apple Blossom Families

One of my past clients posted on this on her facebook profile, and it so well articulated how many new mothers might feel that I thought it needed to be preserved and shared. Comment below if you can relate!

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  1 comment for “Attention: Advice givers | Note from a new mother

  1. Bea
    January 11, 2014 at 9:57 am

    Go girl! I feel the same way my baby is now 9 months and she is going to sleep next to me until we as a family feel when is the right time, and I will breast feed her until 2 years , I hear a lots of comments saying that I should let my baby cray out , or stop breast ,feeding when she is 6 months or one year or other comments , I take what I think is good and I in gnome the other ones , some times is hard, so I agree back off

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